


and kisses are a far better fate (than wisdom)

by itried



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: And they love each other so much, Cuddling, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Richie, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Misunderstandings, Nightmares, because i wanted them to have cell phones, but they're very stupid, it they make out and/or drink this means the characters are aged up, listen........... they're best friends, richie doesnt like himself and stan is offended as hell bc richie is honestly so amazing, richie's parents are abusive in the first ficlet because i love to hurt my son, some of these are modern aus, stan avoids richie a lot because my boy is emotionally constipated
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-02-22 15:26:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13169778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itried/pseuds/itried
Summary: a first kiss, a last and all the kisses in betweenaka this is a collection of unrelated drabbles about my two favorite boys kissing





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay so I did turn this into a collection of stozier drabbles. Feel free to send me prompts. I'm notagoodplace4gods on tumblr, come cry with me.

It happened, like most things do, because Richie Tozier was being stupid.

It wasn’t unusual for them to get bullied, afterall Stan’s jewish and Richie hangs out with him. Also, Richie’s teeth and thick glasses don’t actually help improve his image. But it’s okay because they were used to it. At least Stan thought they were until he finds Richie crying his eyes out after school, by the quarry.

Stan doesn’t know what to do, Richie’s usually the one comforting him, trashmouthing the bullies and coming up with stupid terrible jokes to cheer him up. But today, for whatever reason, Richie has been stupid enough to believe whatever it was those assholes told him. Stan feels hopeless, and so very scared.

The only thing he can do is sit by his best friend’s side and throw an arm around his shoulders, so he does it. He holds him while he cries.“They were right.” Richie says after a couple minutes, when he finally stops sobbing. “No one loves me.”

Stan feels his heart stop at the moment. For a reason he can’t pinpoint, this hurts. It hurts more than everything that happened in the Neibolt house.

“I mean… my parents don’t and they were supposed to love me, you know? If not even my parents can love me, then, what chance do I have with y… With anyone else? I know I’m annoying and I talk too much and I’m… I’m ugly, but I just wanted… God, I’m so stupid.”

Stan is moving before he can even think about what he’s doing. He takes Richie’s head in his hands, bringing him closer and closer until their lips meet. Stan closes his eyes first, and he misses when Richie does the same.

It’s funny that he never ~~allowed himself to think~~ though about kissing Richie before, but now that he is, he can’t think about anything else. It starts slow and gentle, but it grows desperate so fast Stan head’s reeling and his heart is pounding inside his chest. His mind is filled with _Richie, Richie kissing him, Richie kissing him back, Richie. Richie._ And they’re not only kissing, but full on making out now; Richie’s suddenly on his lap, hands running through Stan’s hair, and Stan’s touching and clinging to him like Richie’s about to disappear any moment now. They’re a mess of hair, saliva, limbs and feelings. It’s a mess. They’re a mess.

“Fuck, Richie.” His voice breaks the moment they stop to breathe. They slowly and reluctantly move away from each other, and Stan’s already missing his warmth. “You _are_ stupid.”

And so is he, because Stan’s always wanted this, he’s always wanted that stupid, stupid boy, and the realization hits him like a punch to the gut. He wants Richie’s mouth on his, he wants Richie’s fingers playing with his curls, he wants this embrace to last forever and, he wants Richie to know he’s loved.

Richie laughs and this time it’s quiet, it’s small and so unlike Richie, Stan has to kiss him again until he understands. “You’re my best friend.” The kiss says. “You’re very important to me.”He kisses him again. “I love you.” And again. “I love you.” And again.”I love you so much.”

Richie smiles between the kisses and it only makes Stan want to kiss him harder. “I love you too, Stan the man.” He’s still crying, but he’s also laughing and, most importantly, he’s kissing Stan back, so it’s okay

They’re going to be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being friends with Richie Tozier isn’t easy.

Being friends with Richie Tozier isn’t easy.

The boy talks too much, basically overflowing with memes and stupid “your momma” jokes. He talks too much, always asking Stan about his day, wanting his opinions on everything and talking him to sleep during their sleepovers, voice gentle and calm, murmuring nonsense about everything, when Stan wakes up from his recurring nightmare. He talks when Stan doesn't so there's never an awkward silence between them.

He’s almost constantly moving around and Stan knows having adhd is not his fault, but it's hard to keep up. He’s always moving, laughing, holding Stan’s hand and pulling him along, and making his stupid voices to cheer him up.

He flirts too much, but specially with his friends, especially with Stan and it’s a little annoying, but it’s okay because Stan knows he doesn’t really mean it, that he’s only joking. Richie jokes too much.

He flirts with every girl he sees except for Greta. When he flirts with Bev, she flirts back with him, and they use romantic pet names, play with each other’s hair and bump the other’s noses. Stan doesn’t know why it doesn’t bother Ben because it sure does bother the fuck out of him.

And then Richie starts flirting with other boys and Stan thinks this must be his own personal hell because he always thought Richie was joking about liking boys, but now it’s obvious that he wasn’t; he likes boys so he could like... no he’s not going there

Richie is loud and annoying and clumsy. He’s a mess, always forgetting to brush his hair and getting his glasses broken at least once a month. He’s reckless and protective, he’s the smartest dumb person Stan has ever known, choosing to stand up to Henry Bowers just because he and his gang had bullied Stan for walking around with his bird book, and then locking himself in a locker to escape them. The losers had lost their shit with worry looking for him, and then lost their shit laughing when they found out what Richie did. Richie had laughed right with them and cracked a few jokes, but Stan saw how emotionally drained he was after that ordeal. He is so (brave) dumb, risking himself for his friends over and over again.

Richie is beautiful, but he doesn’t know it, which makes being his friend infuriating and hard, because Stan knows that someday he will cave in, shut Richie’s self hating jokes up and straight up _tell_ him he’s beautiful.

Richie’s stupid, caring, kind, loving and he was Stan’s first friend, is Stan’s best friend, in the entire world. He’s the best and Stan wants to be his friend forever, but it’s so damn hard.

It’s hard to listen to him talk, and not be able to shut him up with a kiss. It’s hard not to blush when he throws his arms around Stan’s shoulders and pulls him close. It’s hard to share a bed and not wish to be even closer. It’s hard being his confident and knowing Richie does like boys, he just doesn’t like him.

It’s hard to be around him and not tell him every five seconds that “you’re my best friend” or “I love you” or both. It’s hard to be friends, to be _just_ friends because Richie Tozier is the easiest person to fall in love with.

Stan doesn’t stand a chance, he never did, so he just gives up. He gives Richie up. He could never make the losers choose between them both, so he makes the choice for them. He withdraws, makes up excuses and avoids them at school the best he can.

Bill, Mike and Bev try to talk to him, but he dodges their questions, and makes little of their worries. _I’m just busy,_ he says, and laughs it off, as if it isn’t tearing him apart to do so. He doesn’t laugh at Richie when the boy corners him after a week, he doesn’t even try to laugh because Richie sees right through his bullshit, and he seems to be angry, scared and sad, all at once.

Stan is also angry, (at Richie, but mostly at himself), he’s scared (he ruined the best thing that he ever had), and he’s sad (because he did ruin the best thing he ever had), and he’s tired, so he just shrugs and tells Richie he doesn’t want to be friends anymore.

Richie yells at him and it hurts, but Stan doesn’t budge. Richie cries and it opens up a whole new level of _hurt_ he never thought possible, but Stan still doesn’t budge. Richie deserves someone better than him, someone who makes him feel safe and happy and isn’t so fucking broken and scared all the time.

For a moment, Richie just stares at him and Stan takes longer than he should to realize he just said it out loud.

“Fuck you, Stan.” Richie’s sobbing now, but he is furious. “You can’t do this to me. You can’t decide what’s best for me, I’m the only one who gets to do it, and you’re it! It’s always been you, Stan. _You’re my best friend and I love you_.”

It’s his own words, the words he’d never been brave enough to say. Stan takes his hands to his face and they’re wet when they come back.

“You’re my best friend. I love you.” Richie says again and he makes it seem like it’s easy. It’s not easy. “I love you.” He takes a step closer and closer, until they’re holding hands, foreheads touching. “I love you, please say something.”

It’s not easy, it’s hard, it’s the hardest thing Stan had ever had to do, but he still does it. “You’re my best friend.” He does it because it’s true and because Richie deserves to hear it. “And I love you too. God, Rich, I love you so much.”

“And you’re sorry for being an asshole, yeah? Fuck you, Staniel, you made me cry, but I forgive you, because you’re my best friend in the entire world. Also, because you’re hot.” Richie makes a choking sound and it sounds like he’s crying and laughing at the same time, as he takes Stan’s head in his hands and brings him in for a kiss.

It’s hard to be with Richie Tozier and not love him with all his heart, so Stan gives up. He gives up pretending and denying it, and he _loves_ Richie. And he lets Richie love him right back. After everything they went through, loving each other is easy and they deserve _easy_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm notagoodplace4gods on tumblr! Stop by to prompt me!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they even text each other while they’re laying side by side at stan’s bed.
> 
> it’s like 4 am when richie sends him a “did you know it can’t hurt us when we’re together?”
> 
> stan doesn’t answer, he just turns to him and leans closer, resting his head against richie’s chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anon asked me for texting stozier, and I started writing headcanons but it got away from me lol this is modern AU

  * the whole deal with pennywise takes a toll on the losers. They all have nightmares, so they have sleepovers often because they don’t want to be alone.  


  * richie goes to stan’s the most. He goes before stan can ask him to, he goes because he knows stan would never ask him to. He goes because stan needs him and he needs stan back and this is all a mess.


  * richie loves telling everyone they’re sleeping together. Stan rolls his eyes, but never contradicts him.


  * the first nights they spent together, they don’t really sleep, they talk until morning (actually Richie does) because they’re both scared of falling asleep.


  * but then the summer’s over and they do need to sleep so that they can wake up early and go to school.


    * falling asleep in each other’s arms, cuddling and snuggling, is easier than they expected it to be.


  * stan always falls asleep first and sometimes richie keeps talking even with stan sleeping, because he hates silence, but he does it very quietly do he won’t disturb his friend.


  * richie’s used to getting very little sleep, but this is getting ridiculous, stan tells him. the bags under his eyes keep getting heavier and he once passed out during PE from sheer exhaustion.


  * so one day stan tells him that he’ll only sleep after richie does, and don’t try and trick him, he can tell the difference between a real snore and a fake one.


    * richie’s intimidated because he doesn’t want to be the reason stan is tired in the morning, so he tries. He tries his best. But his anxiety doesn’t care that he’s trying.


    * after the longest thirty minutes of his entire life, in which he tries and fails, richie breaks the silence, opens his eyes and ask stan to talk.


    * “about what?” “anything.” “but…” “please.”


    * so stan does, and his voice is beautiful and calming and when richie does fall asleep, he doesn’t have nightmares. He doesn’t dream, he just rests.


  * the next day stan tries to talk him to sleep again because he thinks richie needs even more rest. He talks for like an hour, and stops for a chuckle. “I don’t think I’ve seen you be this quiet for so long. Did I bore you to death?”


    * richie is ofFENDED! Because how dare stan assume he’s boring? Stan is one of the most interesting people he has ever known, and richie makes sure to tell him that.


    * “shut up trashmouth.” Stan is both relieved and disappointed that in the dark bedroom richie can’t see him blush.


  * after this richie makes sure to pay extra attention to everything stan tells him, and then very casually drops his newly obtained knowledge here and there so stan knows he paid attention.


    * “richie you can relax, i’m not gonna quiz you.”


    * “well you could, I’m sure I’d ace it.”


    * stan has no idea why richie is so invested, but he’s actually really glad richie is interested.


  * richie has never learnt so much about birds and plants and he loves showing it off.


    * he once got into a heated discussion with their biology teacher   when she contradict something Stan told him and it gets himself detention.


    * “why did you do this? God you’re so stupid.”


    * “yeah I am but you’re not. You know your shit.”


    * stan is completely dumbfounded by how high richie regards him and his opinions.


  * stan knows he shouldn’t, but he texts him more facts and curiosities he knows the whole time richie’s on detention.


    * richie is very excited about all the facts and it makes stan double excited.


    * when he goes home he goes through his books searching for interesting stuff he can text richie about.


  * it becomes a thing. Exchanging texts and “did you know”s


    * richie usually makes a joke out of it with “did you know Mr. Albert is a bitch.” And “did you know my dick is so long I could sword fight with it.”


  * they even text each other while they’re laying side by side at stan’s bed.


    * It’s like 4 am when richie sends him a “did you know it can’t hurt us when we’re together?”


    * stan doesn’t answer, he just turns to him and leans closer, resting his head against richie’s chest.


  * the next day stan re-reads this last text ten times, not knowing how to respond. “did you know I’m scared all the time except when I’m with you because you make me feel safe and happy and…” he erases it before he can finish.


    * “did you know i’m an asshole who is actually considering ruining our friendship just because of those stupid stupid feelings i’m having.” He says quietly to himself, shaking his head from side to side.


  * after that, stan begins avoiding richie like the plague. He doesn’t answer when richie throws pebbles on his window and the next morning he pretends to have been asleep. “I’m better now, we don’t need to sleep together anymore.”


  * a week goes by in which he’s absolutely miserable, then he gets dozen texts from richie.


    * did you know I miss you (r smile, your face, your hands, and even your eyerolls)?


      * he didn’t


    * “did you know I love listening to you talk?”


      * he didn’t


    * “did you know I think you’re one of the most brave, beautiful, incredible people I have ever met?”


      * he didn’t


    * “did you know the worst nightmares I have since It were about losing you.”


      * he really didn’t


    * “did you know you make me feel worthy and loved and safe and… happy, like nothing or nobody ever could.”


      * oh god


    * “pay attention because I’ll probably quiz you about this later!!!!!!!11!!1!1” lol did you know i joke as a coping mechanism?


      * he did.


    * “did you know I’ve been in love with you since FOREVER and that I tried, I really did, but I can’t even joke about this anymore?”


      * oh god he really didn’t


    * “did you know I’m so desperate I’m sending you these even though I know you don’t want to see me anymore? I know you could never love me back, but…”


  * stan is running before he can even finish reading them. He’s the one who goes to richie’s window this time. It’s raining but he doesn’t care.


  * richie is horrified to see him all soaked so he lets him in immediately, and lends him dry clothes. But not once he looks at stan’s eyes.


  * so stan takes matters into his own hands. He touches richie’s chin, and forces his face up, so that they’re facing each other.


  * “did you know i love you too?” he whispers.


    * richie didn’t know. He had no idea. He would never imagine stan could reciprocte his feelings, not even in his wildest dreams.


  * he’s crying, stan’s crying too, but somehow he manages to laugh. “god, we’re so stupid.”


  * “that I DID know.” Richie says, and stan kisses him.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to prompt me anytime! I'm notagoodplace4gods on tumblr.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anon asked me: "ok but stozier where (this is overuse prob so sorry) rich starts really believing stan doesnt like him in their late teens bc of anxiety and stuff and starts to distance and heyoo flippin the script w/ stan coming in through the window like “wtf man??? ur literally my best friend ily” and then like back to stans and its just pure fluff bc heyo these boys mad in love and richies just like “holy shit ily wowowowoow” yike sorry ~✨"
> 
> I changed things up a little, but hope you like it!
> 
> (it's a bullet point fic because I have no time to write fics, but somehow I do it anyway)

  * when stan starts avoiding richie after they go to prom together as bros, richie knows he’s fucked up

  * he doesn’t know how he fucked up, tho, because he was drunk as hell and he barely remembers what happened

  * the losers can’t tell him what he did because “stan didn’t let you do anything embarrassing, he took you home the moment he realized you were drunk”

    * richie makes eddie pinky swear that he didn’t see him make a fool of himself at prom

  * Relieved by his answer, richie starts thinking that maybe stan’s just messing with him. Maybe it’s just a joke and he decides to play along

    * “well let’s see how long he can pretend not to love me lol he won’t last a week”

  * stan lasts more than a week not talking to richie, barely acknowledging him in the group hangs

  * richie is low key worried and grows louder so he can draw stan’s attention by any means necessary, which means cruder jokes, over the top impressions, dirty flirting, but stan keeps ignoring him

  * richie goes from frustrated to angry really fast

  * and he complains about Stan to everyone, literally everyone but Stan The Man himself

    * “we don’t know anything richie, why don’t you talk to him?”

  * richie tries cornering stan after school one day, but stan keeps dodging his questions and answering with “I’m fine”s, which only pisses richie even more because he knows stan isn’t fine

    * “come on stanley I know you’re angry at me! what did i do?”

    * “why do you think the world revolves around you, richie? you didn’t do anything and we’re fine.”

    * “we’re not fine! God, stan, just tell me what I did so I can fix it! Was it because I drank too much and you had to take me home? Was it because I made you leave the prom earlier?”

    * “what? no richie, that was fine and… Wait, don’t you remember what happened later?” stan takes a deep breath and tries to mask the hurt on his voice. “You don’t.”

    * “I was drunk… I…”

    * “Sure, it’s okay, we’re okay, nothing happened, I just have to go.”

    * richie tries to stop him by grabbing his arm, but stan flinches away so fast richie’s freezes on the spot. Now he’s high key worried

      * now he knows he’s fucked up.




——————

  * richie kinda starts avoiding stan back after this, afraid he’ll make  things worse between them

  * he never asks the losers to intervene, but everytime he meets them, he asks if stan said anything about him

  * the losers have no idea what’s happening, and they hate it, so they make a plan to get both richie and stan drunk and talking

  * it’s very difficult getting them together, and moving past the awkwardness, but they do get them drunk, they all get drunk, one night at bill’s. and they’re playing truth or dare

    * when the bottle stops on stan, richie perks up at the possibility of stan picking truth so he can ask what did he do to make his best friend so mad at him

    * stan picks dare

    * for a moment richie’s devastated, but then ben whispers something in his ear and he takes his suggestion.

      * “I dare you to tell me why you’re mad at me.”

      * “that’s cheating.”

      * “It’s the game, you have to tell me.”

      * “I’m not mad at you.”

      * “you are! just fucking tell me what i did!

      * “what didn’t you do, richie?” stan rolls his eyes. “you’re always so…” The alcohol is taking the words from him, so he just gestures at richie’s entire body, to make him understand. “You! It drives me crazy!”

      * richie’s taken aback. He knows he’s loud and annoying, but he never thought he bothered stan so much “I’m… I’m sorry,”

      * when they stop talking, the entire room does too. The only sound is when mike gets up, pulling bill along with him and gesturing the others to follow him. “Maybe we should leave you two alone.”

      * “no!” both stan and richie argue at the same time.

      * richie takes a deep breath. “come on, stan the man, I just wanna put this behind us and go back to being friends.”

      * “Friends.” Stan scoffs, and there’s so much venom in his voice, richie unconsciously recoils. “we’re best fucking friends”

      * richie doesn’t know what to answer, oh even what to feel, so he choses anger. “Fine! Have it your way then” and marches out of the party.

  * when richie’s anger drains away, he’s just really sad and hurt

  * the losers go to him the next day, begging him to talk to stan, saying that stan was miserable after he left the party, so “he doesn’t hate you.”

  * but richie just shrugs them off. stan does hate him. it was clear as day

  * but what could he have done that would upset stan so much? What was so terrible that ruined their friendship?

    * he tries his best to remember what happened after stan took him from the prom. He thinks about numerous possibilities, but nothing seems plausible

    * richie knows very well that he’s a cuddly, needy drunk. But Stan knows him, he’s used to the flirty jokes, the innocent (but not really) touches, and hugs

    * He remembers he always used to  call stan “love” and “honey” after a few shots, he remembers sitting on stan’s lap and throwing his arms around stan’s neck in other occasions, he remembers stan just shaking his head, lifting him up and making him drink some water before bed. Stan always acted annoyed but he never minded any of that

    * Not until prom night

    * Maybe richie crossed a line. Maybe he didn’t stop at the playful flirting and dirty innuendos. Maybe he drank so much, he turned his brain off, and let his heart unfiltered. Maybe he confessed. Maybe he told stan he’d been in love with him for years. Maybe he kissed stan

      * Oh fuck. oh no no no no nononono _no_

      * no wonder stan hates him now. no wonder he’s angry and disgusted and never wants to see richie again

      * richie wants to crawl up inside a hole and just die




—————-

  * richie knows stan has stopped hanging out with the others, so he does too

    * he secretly hopes that his absence will compel stan to return to the group

      * if anyone gets to keep the losers, if anyone deserves to keep the losers, it’s stan

    * plus, if stan finds his presence so unbearable, and hates him now, it’s just a matter of time before everyone else does too. If he can’t stop it from happening, then he better prepare himself for it

    * so he goes from school to home, and from home to school as quickly as he can, he avoids the quarry and the arcade so he won’t meet any of them

  * He misses them all, though. So much

    * But mostly he misses Stan

      * His best friend

      * the first friend he ever made

      * the boy with the sarcastic smiles and amazing sense of humour

      * the boy who always stood by him no matter what

      * the boy who’d always leave an open window for him to climb into at night

      * the boy who’d complain about how his bed was too small for them, but would never push richie away, or make him sleep on the couch

      * the shy quiet beautiful perfect boy richie admired and respected so much

      * the boy who’d smile at him, and make the stupid bucky beaver and his stupid trash mouth feel worthy and loved and worthy of being loved.

      * the boy he loved so much

      * the boy who didn’t love him back, not anymore

      * not ever

        * richie wonders if maybe stan misses him too, but the thought is so fucking unreal, he has to laugh.

        * all the handholding, the laughs, hugs, kisses on the cheek, richie ruined them

        * richie ruined their friendship

        * so why would it matter to stan

        * why would richie matter

          * spoiler alert: he doesn’t

        * richie’s loud and annoying and ugly as hell

        * stan deserves someone better

        * literally anyone would be better

          * probably a girl because stan can’t be as sick as he is




——————

  * the losers keep trying to talk to him, but he always manages to dodge their questions

    * Everyone is worried because richie looks awful ™ so they decide to do a intervention for them

      * but richie doesn’t show up to school the next day

      * Or the next

    * they’re going crazy with worry, because richie won’t answer his door either

  * stan is very worried too.

    * he feels terrible for how he treated richie the past few weeks. He was just sad, angry and bitter, but richie didn’t deserve the way he treated him

  * he tries calling richie on the phone, but every call goes to voicemail

    * stan knows it’s his fault.  He was the one who started ignoring richie first, but he’s so worried

      * He’s on edge all the time, can’t sleep properly, can’t eat properly, god, he’s a mess

  * He almost trips over himself when his own phone rings. Please be richie, he prays

    * It’s not richie




——————

  * bev is the one who gets richie to leave the house. she takes him for a smoke by the barrens

    * she told him it would just be the two of them

      * she lied

  * three cigarettes in, Stan arrives, and Bev excuses herself, mentally asking richie if he’ll forgive her someday

  * Stan quietly sits down next to richie, who refuses to look at him

    * They stay like this for a good half an hour. Stan looking at richie, richie looking anywhere but at stan

    * stan is about to cry, but he swallows the tears. This isn’t about him! This is about his best friend, who’s looking small and broken, and he has to fix it. He has to fix them

  * “I’m sorry.” He opens his mouth, but the words aren’t his. They are richie’s.

    * Richie’s apologizing to him

  * “fuck, stan, I think I finally know what I did to make you hate me, and, god, I’m so sorry.”

  * stan is speechless, terrified at the thought that maybe richie does remember that night

  * “I was never going to tell you, I was going to ignore it until it went away, but it’s been years, and it still hadn’t gone away, and I… I’m a horrible person… not worthy of being your friend

  * stan is offended. “Richie…”

  * “no… let me finish. I know what I did is unforgivable, and heinous and sick. And I’m so very sorry, but I can’t fix this. So it’s okay if you hate me and never want to see me again.I understand”

  * “richie!” Stan grabs his shoulders and shakes him a little.”What is it you think you did at prom?”

  * “you don’t have to do this.” richie shakes his head. “I know I… I kissed you. Didn’t I?.”

  * Now Stan starts crying. “No. no you didn’t.”

  * richie’s eyes go so wide it would be comical in any other situation

  * “Fuck. then you’re just mad at me for a stupid joke, or whatever and I went and spilled my feelings for you, instead of just apologizing. Now you hate me for real, and…”

  * “I don’t hate you, I never did and I never will.” Stan cuts him off.

  * richie nods dumbly, not letting himself feel relief because the fact stan doesn’t hate him does not necessarily means that stan likes him back.

  * “Do you wanna know what you did that made me so mad?” Stan waits for richie’s nod before continuing. If richie said what stan thinks he said, telling him about this should be easy. “You fell asleep.” It’s not

    * silence

    * richie does his best not to break it because he knows stan’s not finished

  * “I took you home, and tried to get you to bed. You didn’t want to. You wanted to dance.” Stan smiles at the memory. “I asked what could i possibly do to convince you to go to sleep and you asked me to cuddle you.”

    * richie cringes. well that was embarrassing

    * but it’s not the end of the story

  * “so I did. we laid down at your bed, and we were so close, I…” Now it’s stan’s turn to take a deep breath. “I kissed you, Richie. I kissed you, you kissed me back, but then you fell asleep mid kiss and I…”

  * richie’s heart stops, and he finally looks directly into stan’s eyes

  * “I was so ashamed, I couldn’t face you after this.” now it’s stan who diverts his eyes. “And then you told me you didn’t remember and I was so hurt, so angry. I mean, I knew you were drunk, I took a chance, but I still… God, richie, you were my first kiss.”

  * “stan.” richie kneels, and moves next to his friend, his best friend, the boy who, for whatever reason, loves him back, and takes his face on his hands. “stan, I’m sorry I’m so stupid.”

  * “It’s okay, richie.” Stan tries. “You were drunk, and I shouldn’t have taken advantage of that, then felt sorry for myself and acted like a jerk, but…” Stan’s hands are shaking. “I like you more than I thought I could ever like someone, and it scared me so much, I withdrew from everyone. I avoided you like crazy because I couldn’t let you know, I couldn’t let you reject me.”

  * “stan.” richie calls for him again, and their eyes meet. “stan, I’m stupid, but you’re also very stupid, oh my god, we’re so stupid.” he groans. “I like you. You like me back. We like each other.” He says it, slowly, as if trying to understand.

  * “We do.” Stan breathes, amazed.

  * They only stare at each other for a moment, holding hands like their lives depend on it.

  * “I’m sorry.” Stan says.

  * “I’m sorry too.” Richie says it back.

    * A pause. Then. “Do I get to redo that first kiss?”

  * Stan pushes him over, and richie laughs

  * “we never really danced at prom, did we? I bet you refused to dance with me after prom too.”

  * “I…” Stan narrows his eyes. “Do you really wanna dance, now?”

  * “Sure.” richie knows stan didn’t mean it as an invitation, but he takes it anyway. He bows. Stan rolls his eyes, but doesn’t stop richie from inching closer, and closer. “Let’s redo the entire night.”

  * They dance for a while, no music, no rhythm. They dance until richie steps on stan’s toes, and stan pushes him away so hard richie falls on the grass

  * They laugh, and laugh, and laugh

    * (god, they both missed this so much)

  * “Okay, so I’m never doing that again.” stan says, but he’s smiling. “We’re done, richie.”

  * “not yet.” richie says, getting back up, and he looks serious

  * he takes a step closer

  * stan takes another step to meet him in the middle and his hand goes into richie’s hair

  * richie’s hands are trembling, but he takes them to stan’s neck

  * they kiss

  * they look at each other

  * they kiss again and again and again

  * “Don’t you dare fall asleep on me again, asshole.” Stan says, lips brushing against richie’s

  * “Oh, don’t worry, Stan the Man, I’m up.” He motions down to his pants. “I’ll be up all night…”

  * “fucking my mom, i know.” stan answers, the same time richie finishes with “fucking you.” and they look at each other, for a second.

  * “Fuck you, richie.” Stan is trying to look mad, but he can’t stop laughing

  * “Well… if you want to, sure. I can be into it.” richie doesn’t miss his mark, but before he says anything else, stan’s kissing him again

  * richie kisses him back

    * and they kiss, and kiss, and kiss for a long time.




**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm [ Notagoodplace4gods ](http://notagoodplace4gods.tumblr.com/post/169832824670/ok-but-stozier-where-this-is-overuse-prob-so) on tumblr!


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